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I was born in 1906, the son of an immodest French window cleaner, Marc Excelsior, who came to England at the time of the cheap crossings. Unlike most window cleaners of the time, I have received a sound education and practical training - partly in France - before entering my father's office and taking full charge of the ladders and bucket at Salford when I was only 20. At the age of 26, I was appointed window cleaner to the newly-formed Loose Collection Of Musicians and acted with characteristic boldness and energy. My great soundscaping works on the line between a whistle and a wipe bear witness to my genius. Each of my three tunes represent a major step forward in sonic architecture. My other works include humming, whistling, tapping and coughing and the remarkable prefabricated shout, with its pre-cough and grunt systems for use in cinema foyers. Inevitably, in such a prolific career, there were setbacks and disappointments such as the atmospheric Rain on a Rainy Day but I readily admit my mistakes. Indeed I myself suffered financially by supporting my ventures with my own money. As my sketch-books and note-books show, I concern myself with every aspect of the projects in which I am involved and my sonic designs are the result of calculations and experiment. Do not try to contact me, as I value my triviality
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